I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
