Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
