i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
