i just sent this text using only my big toe
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
