you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Even my vagina gasped.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
