She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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