I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
