I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
