she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
