I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
