i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
