So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
