There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
