I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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