vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
