ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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