Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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