New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
