look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
