I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I want a musical about memes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
