I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
