i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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