he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
