i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
