I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
