In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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