Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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