I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize