Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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