Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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