She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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