I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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