They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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