watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
