Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
