the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
