It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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