My sheets look like a crime scene.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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