True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
