If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
