I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
