I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize