Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
