Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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