He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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