We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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