my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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