Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
