Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
