just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
