I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
