I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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