hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
