nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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