One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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