All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
