good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
