u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
