i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
