I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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