I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you will always have a special place in my vag
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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