cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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