If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
