32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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