Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He shit in the fireplace
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
