On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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