I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
