I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
