when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
