Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
