He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
