If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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