It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
