but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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