don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
