I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
