no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize