i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
