jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
