would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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