Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm passing your future prison.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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