That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
