He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
