I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
