I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
