We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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