We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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