I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize