Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
