Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
