Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
