I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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