She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
