Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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