The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize