PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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