New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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