she woke up with a sticky ear
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
