your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
