if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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