there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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