I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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