if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and she was petting her beer can
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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